When You Cut Me I Bleed

I was just watching "The Early Show" this morning and learned an interesting statistic. Couples are twice as likely to end a relationship in January and February than at any other time of the year. They discussed all their hypotheses (sounds like a scientist doesn't it) and then I remembered the topic of the moment, love is kind.

I began to wonder about why the connection between break-ups and January. The "experts" said that in January we traditionally take stock of our lives (Did you make any resolutions? I never do. Like I said in an earlier post, God is driving and I'm just along for the ride.) and sometimes we feel like we need a change and that leads to a change in relationship.

I find it interesting that all this happens only in January. For me it was December. There was a time in my marriage where both my husband and I were VERY verbally and physically (that's a story for another time) abusive. When I think back (20 years back) I really don't understand how we could even like each other now, more or less love one another. But all the abuse lead to our separation in December. It was then that I realized that either I was going to kill someone or he was going to kill someone, but either way, someone was going to die and I didn't want to go there. But during the separation and the counseling, I always wondered if I would ever get over it. You see, with physical abuse you can see the bruises, but verbal abuse leaves the bruise where they don't show-at least not to the outside world.

It's like when I am shaving (my legs guys). Sometimes I nick myself and it bleeds like I am going to bleed to death and other times it only bleeds a little. The point is I still bleed. Well, the unkind remarks that we made to each other were like nicks in our psyche. Once an unkind thing has been said, it can't be taken back or reeled back in. The person saying it has already "nicked" the other party and they have started to bleed. They may bleed a little or they may bleed a lot, but either way, they bleed. And sometimes that nick will leave a scar. My husband and I are still dealing with some of nicks that have turned into scars and it happened 20 years ago.

So this January, while you thinking of all the nicks you have gotten from your spouse, significant other, boyfriend, girlfriend (whatever they are calling that other person these days) remember that they probably weren't the only one throwing darts. Take responsibility for your part in the battle and be willing to not only forgive the other person, but also forgive yourself. Love is kind does not just apply to other people. I can also refer to being kind to yourself.