You might be old if...

I have been completing that sentence for two days now. You see, I got up at 2 am to go do what ladies of my age do in the middle of the night. I took care of all the necessary business and went to return to bed half asleep (by the time you're my age I'm not even sure you wake up). I kept pulling at my gown because it felt like it was tucked into my drawers or something like that. As I struggled with the gown down the hallway I finally turned around. I had somehow tucked the end of the toilet paper into my drawers (don't ask me. remember I was asleep). I had unrolled the ENTIRE roll of toilet paper on my trip down our ridiculously long hallway back to bed. I didn't feel like trying to roll it back up at 2am, so I just made a rather large pile of toilet paper next to the throne.

The next morning, when my husband came down the hallway to get ready for work, I saw him pause in front of my bathroom with a puzzled look on his face. Before he was able to get the question out, I related the whole story to him while he laughed like a hyena. That's what started me thinking about this blog.

So with apologies to Jeff Foxworthy and Bill Cosby, here is what I came up with.

You might be old if...

*you remember the phone only being good for talking with all the neighbors listening.
*you have never used your thumbs to type.
*your children and grandchildren text each other at the dinner table instead of talk.(I mean, really. They are sitting right next to each other!)
*you finally get it together, but can't remember where you put it.
*your doctor starts every conversation with, "as we get older and wiser." (my doctor's really says this)
*you find yourself keeping the pharmaceutical industry and medical community in business single-handedly.
*you see a child misbehaving in public and your first response is, "If I had done that as a kid...."
*you walk five miles a day because you keep forgetting what you got up for.
*all your favorite songs are played on the "oldies" channel.
*you realize a large portion of your favorite songs didn't have real words (aweem, awep, aweem, awep; do wa ditty, ditty dum, ditty do...)
*you believe the only good movies are on AMC and TMC.
*your hair is so gray/white that the red hair color comes out pink.
*winning at cards, dominoes, and board games is the high point of your day.
*you schedule your life around "Jeopardy" and "Wheel of Fortune."
*you tell someone when you got married and they respond, "Oh, I was born that year.." (really happened!)
*the subjects you were taught in high school are being taught to 5th graders (you're really NOT smarter than a 5th grader!)
*having a dark suntan meant you had spent hours baking in the sun.
*you see two people having dinner, each on the cell phone, and wonder why they bothered.
*your memory moves to your derriere because you can't remember what you wanted in the other room until you go back and sit down.
*you buy presents in advance, hide them, and then can't remember where they are.
*it takes a dozen trips to the grocery store to get everything you needed.

It's good to be able to poke fun at yourself. Proverbs 15:15b says, "But he who is of a merry heart has a continual feast." So don't take yourself too seriously and enjoy your feast!